Many Things You've Come to Expect- Sziget Day Five

I am guilty as charged: sometimes, even during a concert I quite like, if there is a lull in the proceedings, I take out my phone with the rather weak excuse that someone might be looking for me. Generally, a large number of people might be looking for you at any time on Sziget, and they will either find you accidentally, or not find you at all because the coordinates you gave them exist in some iteration on the other side of the island as well and they'll go there, wait a little, get distracted and end up at a pantomime performance or such.

So when I notice no one is looking for me with despair I might perhaps browse the interwebs, just in case there is something of interest there. So yesterday I found an article about how Sziget is an international utopia of friendship and understanding that Hungary in particular and the world in general sorely needs. And then I found another article about how going to concerts makes you happy- according to a study made by those pesky British scientists who investigate all the phenomena of the known and unknown universe. So I promptly slipped my phone back and went on swaying to the music with a grin. In the breaks between songs, about a dozen languages would float towards me- each break a differently made up dozen.The music was great, I clutched a cold cider in my hand- I'm in a week long utopia, I said, and I am happy.

The more bugging part was that the utopia was heading towards it's closing stages, because, as the old gentleman in a wheelchair whom I met in the coffee queue said, he only has two problems in life, namely that Sziget (he called it 'this beautiful thing') will end soon and he won't live forever.  The Sziget beach lounge area by now looked like a scene from a post apocalyptic film depicting the last refuge of humanity's sole survivors and some of these survivors then headed into the wilderness, zombie eyed, with mis-shaped bags and oddly repacked tents. 

Before succumbing to horrible nostalgia, though, we still had plenty of things to see. First among them was twenty year old Norwegian Aurora's gig in the A38 tent. She'd come on my radar earlier in the year and I was very curious to see how her moody electro translates live. It's most definitely stereotyping working right here, but her songs give me the feeling that you're rambling in the primeval mists of some fjord at the end of the world and will soon meet forest elves. Aurora might be one of these forest elves herself, albeit one who comes across as incredibly charming, giggling with delight between songs as if surprised that people turned out for her at all. She notices some fans brought her small presents and flowers, and we are then treated to the sight of the poker faced security guard hoisting a bouquet of orange lilies on stage. Since you might be interested in the conclusion of the train of thought I began earlier: her music is double beautiful live, gaining even more breadth and punch, and definitely places her among Sziget 2016's best shows. 

Before checking out the Lumineers on the main stage, we make a pit stop at Golan's Europe Stage gig and find it a little timid by the band's standards: somehow the last couple of days have drawn people away from a venue which was very popular in the beginning and bands tend to feel discombobulated by the smaller, and spectacularly more tired crowds assembling in front of it. The Lumineers on their part ingratiated themselves with Budapesters by posting a lovely shot of the sun setting over the Danube on their Instagram account, and that is exactly how their music sounds: a by now somewhat faded snapshot of a pleasant holiday you spent years ago in Colorado, that you fondly remember every now and then and then forget all about it. Also, the band's cellist looked incredibly grumpy throughout the gig, as if she'd much rather spend her time back on a boat on the river sipping white wine or something. Hope we haven't done anything to upset you, Neyla.

At this point we decided it was time for our industrious co-photographer to do some field work on his own, and he was sent to report back on FIDLAR's A38 gig. The project might be called a success as he was delighted by the show and called it one of the best of the festival, also pointing out that the band plays some sort of punk and there were strange antics both on stage and in the crowd. 

All this while we were getting in the zone- there's no beating about the bush, The Last Shadow Puppets gig was the concert I for one was awaiting most eagerly, and will therefore be most subjective about it. I'll rush into the bad pun right at the beginning to spare you later horrors: they were everything I've come to expect. There was a lot of bromancing, a lot of posturing, a lot of loitering around the stage being superlative- there was also some crowd interaction from Miles, definitely the more seasoned entertainer and some walking around looking confused, puzzled and in want of a pint of something from Alex. And I totally understand that some might think they are just two spoiled brats from England treating the world to their fantasies of grandeur and there are suckers who buy into it. The reason why we buy into it, though, is very simple: it's the music. Good, honest, beautiful guitar music. Everything happening on stage might be a show, and for show: but the music wears it's heart on it's sleeve. 

And on this bombshell- Sziget ended. There was apparently an actual end show, it apparently involved a Dutch knob fiddler, there were fireworks too and we even had the time to check out Satellites playing a decidedly intimate set at the now almost ghostly Europe Stage. But Sziget had been over the moment the kind of music that festivals truly deserve had died out over the main stage. And it's for these singular moments that it's worth every penny, every suspicious toilet, every headache, every tired limb, every confused Brit asking for directions, every overcrowded alley and every dawn when the gates close and you feel sad a little. 

PS: Enthused over the success of his FIDLAR endeavour, our co-photographer was sent out into the night to check out Bullet For My Valentine (He now calls them Eardrums, What Are Those and Why Do You Need Them). Presently he claims this was not the best idea, they were awfully loud, very angry, and he's still scared a bit. 

I Was The Sziget Guinea Pig- So You Don't Have to Be

Since I am working super scientifically here, I will start alphabetically, with the suspiciously named Afrojack. I’ll also be honest- he was dead and buried as soon as I saw that most of his Youtube output is shared with Martin Garrix. I did give another song a go, also a collab, with someone named Fais, the video of which starts ominously with a vibrating mobile, so you automatically reach for yours, just in case, drop the headphones for a few seconds and those prove to be the best seconds of the song. The genre should be electro, but it’s boring and forgettable. Next please.

And as a next step, we might as well sink into the murky waters of national stereotypes: I immediately felt better about Boys Noize, given that he hails from Germany, and German electro always gives me pleasant Autobahn vibes. And indeed there is a brainy machine music whiff about his work, also mostly collabs and remixes- Starchild feat Poliça being particularly enjoyable. He will definitely not become my next playlist staple, but a pass nevertheless.

I was secretly hoping Carnage are the miraculously reformed Swedish death metal act, but then again, the presence of such heavy genres belongs to a foregone era of Sziget- and indeed, Carnage is seemingly, obviously, a Guatemalan DJ. I immediately sensed a Latino disturbance in the force when, instead of the sounds of doom and gloom, as I’d hoped, I was greeted by somebody rapping like Pitbull. And Pibull has absolutely maxed out the number of people allowed to rap like Pibull who should co-exist on this planet, so the farther I am from Carnage (DJ) the better.

All things are delicately interconnected: the most popular Dillon Francis song on Youtube is a duet with DJ Snake (can’t anybody make music on their own these days?!), which sounds like a bad version of everything Diplo ever stole from MIA, and oh yes indeed, DJ Snake collaborated with Diplo on Lean On. There is also profuse twerking in the video, much high art, such fun, next please. (Youtube promptly obliged and skipped to, yup, Lean on. Which I listened to as I was making my tea.) DJ Sliink is not even on Wikipedia, which I took to be a bad omen, and he then proceeded to thump my brain into a pulp. The unworthy of mentioning category indeed.

DVBBS sound exactly like an ad for Canadian toothpaste, in which the protagonists wash their teeth frolicking around the house and then drive out into the sunset with major grins, with the wind caressing their golden locks. In an amazing development, the video for Never Leave looks exactly like that, minus the toothpaste, which is a shame.

This is a conspiracy, and my brain will burst, Dyro is Dutch and sounds exactly like Hardwell, Tiesto and/or Martin Garrix. In a meditative take on the state of things in the world, is Dutch, erm, music so internationally beloved, or are we inflicted these people because the Dutch nation, bless their hearts, loves Sziget and moves in hordes from one end of the continent to the other come August? I am almost afraid to know the answer.

At this point I was starting to lose hope of ever being a sensible human being again, since I basically knew none of the acts coming up in the alphabetical list. And then Excision dropped the base in the most vicious Skrillex-like manner, and when evil of such proportion comes from the loveliest of lands, Canada, you know all hope is indeed and truly lost.

I was therefore absolutely delighted to discover that FIDLAR are Californian skate punkers and sing about pivotal stuff such as cocaine, Chinese weed and most importantly, cheap beer.Order of the universe restored to some degree- skate punk is normally pretty low on my list of priorities, but there comes a point when it turns into the sweet sound of redemption, and this is it.

JAIN (you guys, we get it even if it’s not capitalized) is a French singer-songwriter, which is indeed another gust of fresh air in our playlist. Some African vibes are added to the basic French guitar serenade type music- she’s lived in the Congo (which, let’s be honest, is something totally exotic to add to your biography) and is partially of Malagasy descent, so we’ll say she’s entitled to ride the African bandwagon.

It seems we’ve finally totally escaped the Dutch electro hell, which is a blessing, but there’s something decidedly mind bending in Movits! delighting us with swing in Swedish. Somehow a voice deep inside me insists Swedish was thought up more for organizing the landing of a marauding ship on foreign shores or halfheartedly explaining IKEA catalogues (or perhaps halfheartedly explaining the structure of a marauding ship.) Nevertheless, in the scorching heat and with a glass of cold cider the whole endeavour might seem like the most natural thing in the world, as opposed to assembling the LACK coffee table, let’s say.

The lead singer of Oscar and the Wolf seemingly had a rather unsuccessful stint at the Belgian Eurovision Junior preselection, and the first song Youtube threw at me sounds exactly like the entry finishing 17th in the competition. He’s sure to have some starry eyed fans with ages ranging 7 to 12, so here’s to parents chaperoning their kids on Sziget having a good time at a safe distance from wherever Oscar and the Wolf are belting out their teenage angst.

Tourist is a Brit doing a rather minimalist electro, which could be borderline pleasant if I weren’t on the comedown from a wild ride of oomphs and bass dropped randomly for the heck of it. In a totally random connection, Travis Scott has a song called Tourist, but I definitely felt better about him before I found out he sometimes writes his name with a dollar sign, which is being totally groundbreaking and unique, isn’t it. He’s probably someone’s cup of tea, and that someone is  a hip hop fan, and therefore not me.

And back to hell we are- Troyboi is one of Diplo’s many cronies, and true to form, he has some slightly oriental beats going on. The most exciting thing about him seems to be the collaboration with someone or something called Flosstradamus, which made me chuckle for two seconds, those being two more seconds of emotion than what Troyboi could elicit from me.

Vinai sound Dutch but are Italian- I don’t know whether that makes them better or worse, but they helped me in identifying the axis of evil which is Spinnin’ Records, a Dutch label which has harboured at some point almost all of the vile knob fiddlers on the festival circuit. In a more objective take, that kind of makes them wonderful at what they are doing, but they’d better do it out of my earshot.

I always go more easily on Brits- they’ve produced enough guitar music right up my alley to compensate for weirder meanderings, and Wilkinson has a pretty cool video for Afterglow. I mean, it involves a CAT, what more do you want from life these days, really.

And thus we’ve reached Zedd, whom I wish had a Pulp Fiction connection, but doesn’t. He’s Russian-German though, which is some sort of scary, come to think of it, and you won’t guess it, but he produces electronic music and collaborates with basically everyone. This round of guinea pigging being done, please excuse me while I go and, well, in the state I am, I might even ponder kissing the sky, but maybe I’ll just listen to The Last Shadow Puppets instead.